Definitely agree with this.
Feminism is great at its base level, and women are certainly men’s equals, but I am getting really tired of the shit listed above. I seriously feel like that middle paragraph describes about 1/8 of the people who post on tumblr.
Stand up for your rights, but don’t you dare slander me in the process.
I think the OP is confusing “treating men as sub-human” with “your name calling and over zealous and uninformed reblogging makes me upset the way most uninformed blogging does but it also makes me uncomfortable for legitimate reasons and I’m going to use the former to rationalize away the latter.”
I know a number of divorced women (my mother and a few of her friends, friends’ parents, relatives) and of them that are the instigating individuals in the separation — but for much more legitimate reasons, including consistent failure to follow through with promises, unreliability, intense violence, cheating, failure to accept responsibility for any of the above issues and failure to change when faced with the mutual effort of maintaining the marriage. I personally know men that have left their wives for other women, never to be heard from again (at least by me). I’ve known men that instigate the divorce as well for similar reasons but the numbers are much higher for the women.
Keep in mind the following: most of these examples are coming from (mostly) white, middle class, educated society where the privilege of higher education has allowed people a fertile ground to understand and discuss the importance of personal growth (the lack of this in other sections of society is a different discussion).
Don’t misunderstand, that middle paragraph about makes me mad and uncomfortable: people that put others down by using language to call them stupid, worthless, rape-enablers are not helping and I would be very upset especially if that language was directed at me. I’ve seen quite a few posts on facebook and tumblr that have a link to some statistics about domestic violence heavily skewed towards male perpetrators (for example) that begin with “Come on men, get it together. when will you learn?” That umbrella makes me upset because I know I’m not in that statistic and never, ever would I expect myself to be. But it also makes me uncomfortable and defensive sometimes - a feeling different enough that, should it be looked at more closely, might reveal to be in response to my own past behavior. I’m new to understanding, or even remotely observing or knowing of its existence, the severity of gender issues in society (again, higher education has played a pivotal role); I suspect I’m uncomfortable because I have always considered myself a good person, but I know for a fact that at some point in my life I have said, “Go make me a sandwich,” in response to some affront and/or made casual rape jokes.
That being said, there are a women that legitimately man-bash, that divorce their partner because they’re bored or some of the more mundane details of marriage and against expectations and call it quits and that’s not okay. Women that are the perpetrators of domestic abuse, that will use the weight of the word “rapist” to damage or destroy their partner in retaliation to some unrelated dispute or issue. But there are men that do the similar things in the similar extremes. I can be angry about these actions all I like but the numbers still don’t lie and will still make me uncomfortable. I’ll stick to a numbers example so I’m not arguing intangibles.
The CDC reported that 56-71% of of those filing for divorce were there wife. (64%, so around two thirds)
Looking strictly at sexual assault, NISVS (conducted by the CDC) report estimates (over lifetime) 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men, NVAWS (conducted by the National Institute of Justice) report estimates 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men, and National Women’s Survey (conducted by National Victim Center) report estimates 1 in 8 women. So basically 13-18% of the female population and 1-3% of the male population. The NISVS also reported that 51% of victims labeled the suspect as an “Intimate Partner” (other catagories were “Acquaintance,” “Stranger,” and “Family member”).
The CDC also reports key statistics on sexual partners, median over lifetime was 3.6 for women and 6.1 for men. (1 :: 1.69)
This would mean that if sexual assault was the only reason people divorced and every sexual assault resulted in that partner filing for divorce, the vast majority of filers would still be women — on the absolute low end 65% and absolute high end 81%, at minimum 1-17% above the reported statistic.
Using this information that sexual assault is more heavily perpetrated by men, it’s no surprise that the other numbers are skewed in a similar fashion, leading me to the conclusion that women-to-men ratio for filing is significantly actually lower than would expected.
The core of the matter is that no one - regardless of gender - deserves to be in a relationship where abuse is present or mutual effort or respect, love or commitment isn’t reciprocated. I won’t let myself be slandered, but these thoughts from our women counterparts didn’t magically appear. Numbers, yo.